11 signs that your colleague is a vampire

By Lucianne Poole

In keeping with my vampire book, The Shadow Service (a tale of vampires working in Canada's federal government), I'm providing a public service (you're welcome) by sharing these signs that you may be working with a vampire:



1. Over-enthusiasm about office skating parties or other events in which bloodshed may be likely.
2. Unusual habits such as hanging upside down in storage closets.
3. General dislike of Middle Eastern food and any other cuisine containing copious amounts of garlic.
4. Compulsive use of breath mints to hide bad breath.
5. Preference for archaic swear words, possibly in dead languages eg. "Thou knave!" or "God's wounds!"
6. Empty blood packs in the kitchen garbage.
7. High number of absentee staff (i.e. they're too weak or too dead from having their blood sucked).
8. Multiple invitations for a "bite to eat".
9. Glazed expression and salivation at close proximity when you wake up from your post-lunch nap.
10. Use of telepathic communication instead of email (this also explains your mysterious headaches).
11. Long incisors, which may or may not be hidden by expensive dental work.

Disclaimer: If your suspected colleague only meets one of the above criteria, it's unlikely he/she is undead. However, if your colleague meets all the above criteria, that's a different story (good luck).

Why do you suspect your co-worker of being a vampire? Feel free to share suspicious traits.

The Shadow Service

By Lucianne Poole



Photo credit: Little-vampire-by-Ceskino

Here's an updated excerpt from the vampire novel I've been tinkering with. Thanks to Sherry Soule for her valuable feedback and also to the participants of K.T. Crowley's January Test Run. 

In this scene, we meet the protagonist, a well-behaved vampire who works for the Government of Canada.

 

They have sent another one. Antonio glanced at the warning from the deputy minister and absent-mindedly shredded the note with his pale fingers.

He sighed and dropped the feathery strips of paper into his waste paper basket. A sliver of paper remained speared upon a long, talon-like fingernail. Antonio made a mental note to pare his nails before he went out for the night.

It was only 10 a.m., but you would never know it. The windowless office was cast in perpetual gloom. The weak light from the solitary desk lamp and soft glow of his computer screen provided enough light to reveal walls as bare as a monk’s cell. It would seem old habits were hard to break. Except for the framed photo on his bookcase, the Persian carpet blanketing the floor was his only concession to adornment. In fact, the rug proved quite useful; it hid the green carpeting that spread across government office floors like creeping mold.

Antonio scanned the staff meeting agenda on the desk before him. He straightened his tie and smoothed back his hair. With the grace of an athlete, he rose from his desk and stretched his limbs luxuriously.

It was time to meet his latest adversary.

What do you think of this rewrite? Fangs, in advance, for the comments.