In keeping with my vampire book, The Shadow Service (a tale of vampires working in Canada's federal government), I'm providing a public service (you're welcome) by sharing these signs that you may be working with a vampire:
- Over-enthusiasm about office skating parties or other events in which bloodshed may be likely.
- Unusual habits such as hanging upside down in storage closets.
- General dislike of Middle Eastern food and any other cuisine containing copious amounts of garlic.
- Compulsive use of breath mints to hide bad breath.
- Preference for archaic swear words, possibly in dead languages eg. "Thou knave!" or "God's wounds!"
- Empty blood packs in the kitchen garbage.
- High number of absentee staff (i.e. they're too weak or too dead from having their blood sucked).
- Multiple invitations for a "bite to eat".
- Glazed expression and salivation at close proximity when you wake up from your post-lunch nap.
- Use of telepathic communication instead of email (this also explains your mysterious headaches).
- Long incisors, which may or may not be hidden by expensive dental work.
Why do you suspect your co-worker of being a vampire? Feel free to share suspicious traits.