Thursday, 3 July 2014

Guest blog by ex-vampire baby on bites and the World Cup

By Gaius Julius Rex

Artistic interpretation of the World Cup,
recent bites and my teddy bear.
Yes, it is me Gaius Julius. I return from the (fictional) dead for a special World Cup report, after much pleading by the human blogger, Lucianne Poole.

Naturally, you are eager for an explanation as to my lengthy silence. I will only say it is related to the recent resurgence of 80s fashion.

Furthermore, I am no longer vampire baby. I am now ex-vampire baby and most currently a vampire adolescent. I will explain: I am experiencing the equivalent of what you call in human terms, puberty. My tricycle, monopoly-playing and trampolining days are over.

I have entered a new chapter in my fictional life, which involves the following. (I am going to use bullets):
  • video games, which my mother, T. Rex, describes as "aggressive",
  • various hair products,
  • strange new feelings that lead to indiscriminate (vs. discriminate) biting.
This brings me to the World Cup. Uruguay's Luis Suarez was banned for four months for taking a nibble out of the Italian soccer player Giorgio Chiellini during the June 24 match, which Uruguay won 1-0.

At first, Suarez valiantly defended himself and denied the bite. Since then, Mr. Suarez, apologized to Chiellini. I applaud Mr. Suarez for taking responsibility, however, isn't it time to come out of the coffin and be counted as a [deleted]? My lawyer edited this blog.

This is the end of my post.