Wednesday, 30 October 2013

Non-Halloween edition by a fictional vampire baby

This is not me.
By Gaius Julius Rex

Yes, I am back. The human blogger Lucianne Poole "felt it was a propos" for me to write the Halloween edition. As this is a human celebration, I naturally refused: hence the non-Halloween edition.

Please note that I am using numbered bullets.

1. Madame Desfarges was fired from her job as a greeter. Screams of "Off with your heads!" in a heavy French accent apparently did not delight the shoppers where she worked as a greeter.

2. I have hired Madame to help me search for my birth mother. As I do not have money to pay her, Madame said she would accept headless dolls in lieu of payment. My lawyer advised me not to ask her why.

3. While looking for said headless dolls in the park, I met Doug who offered to read my tarot cards. Doug is an unemployed fisherman from Newfoundland who has a sideline in tarot card reading.

4. Doug immediately identified me as undead but he said he is not fussy and that he is a fan of Twilight and that he would give me a free reading.

5. Doug told me I would find what I was looking for in a local coffee shop on November 1, 2013.

6. Meanwhile, Madame agreed to go trick or treating with me. Of course, we will dress up. I will go as a zombie Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper (suit, tie. grey men's wig and no makeup).

7. I am feeling strangely affectionate towards humans these days. It could be because my Facebook following has grown to 2 million. (This is a fictional Facebook page so do not bother trying to find it.)

This is the end of my blog.


  1. Tell me Vampire baby ....which generation do you fall under? Millennials, Baby Boomers, Gen X? Your age is a mystery since most vampires are centuries old yet you are a baby?

  2. Yes, it is true, I am a baby. I was born during vampire spring break earlier this year in Fort Lauderdale and abandoned by my mother on the beach. But do not pity me! Just send money so I can track down my mater. Unfortunately, I do not have a real address as I am only fictional. I am sure you feel the pathos of the situation. Gaius.